Saturday, November 24, 2012

This, That and the Other Thing: Not Your Average Lass

The scene is a familiar one. The intrepid heroes are seated around a rickety table in a back alley dive. With some time to kill, the PCs begin to look around for some role-playing opportunities. Flirting with buxom serving maidens is a popular option, but how many gorgeous women can one expect to find in dingy watering holes?

     Not Your Average Lass provides a d6 worth of tavern wenches, who will leave a lasting impression upon the characters in your campaign. Clever GMs can tweak each entry just a bit to accommodate modern or sci-fi role-playing sessions.

1) Bianca 
     Rail thin with long, spindly arms, Bianca struggles mightily to carry a tray of drinks across the tavern. The tray rocks back and forth in her unsteady hands, spilling ale onto the floor. By the time Bianca arrives at the table, the tankards are half-empty. She mumbles an apology and backs away from the table, tripping and falling onto the floor as she does so. 
2) Miriam
     She is afflicted by an ailment that causes her to cough a great deal, mostly on the characters’ food and drinks. If questioned about her health, Miriam will respond that she feels fine, just as another coughing fit wracks her system. Perceptive characters may notice that the other patrons carefully wipe any glass Miriam has touched with a handkerchief. 
3) Venus
     Her service is decent and she’s even mildly attractive, but the squalling toddler attached to her leg is a bit distracting. The child refuses to let go and is literally dragged around the room, deaf to Venus’ pleas to let go. No amount of coaxing will convince the little girl to release her death grip and the more she is ignored, the louder her crying becomes.
4) Evelyn
     She is middle-aged, with a sour expression permanently etched onto her heavily-lined face. Evelyn is rude to the point of being vicious. She lacks respect for anyone and proclaims her disdain for others without fear of retaliation. Regular guests of the tavern will gauge the characters’ mettle by how well they suffer Evelyn’s barbs. 
5) Amber
     She is withdrawn, shy and unwilling to look anyone in the eye. Amber silently creeps from table to table, not wanting to draw attention to herself. She is barely audible when speaking and is prone to trailing off mid-sentence. Because she is so unobtrusive, Amber overhears a great deal and may be a font of information. 
6) Katherine 
     A plain, tall girl on the verge of tears. It’s all she can do to keep from sobbing openly as she serves the customers. If pressed for details about what troubles her, she will begin to speak, but breaks down completely after just a few words. Inconsolable, Katherine will run out the back door, wailing.


  1. My players did not enjoy having Miriam hack all over their glasses!

  2. Poor Bianca! She reminds me of this classic:

    Great list by the way. I'm thinking Miriam would be a poorly constructed robot/android in a sci-fi setting, coughing oil/synthetic fluids.

    1. Same procedure as last year, sir? Yes, Bianca, same procedure as last year.

      I love that video! It's so funny! I also like your take on Miriam. :)